Five People You'll Meet at a Halloween Party

Five People You'll Meet at a Halloween Party

5) Corpsey Zombiestein: Corpsey tore up some of his old clothes, threw on some pancake make up and ketchup and called it a zombie costume. His half-assed disguise wears off during the course of the party and by the end of it he resembles a disheveled office worker from the late 90's. He's more concerned with getting his drink on and the next morning will be the only time he actually sounds like a zombie.

4) Lord Costume: Lord C lives for Halloween and spends all year planning and making his costume. Like a horror hipster, he'll poo-poo any costume that isn't up to his geek, ridiculous, no-life standards. Meanwhile, he's picked such an obscure horror character to model his costume after, no one remembers or knows it, so his great costume making skills go to waste.

3) Teasey McSlut: Teasy uses this holiday to dress like a prostitute and be overtly sexual one day a year. She gets a little out of control, throwing herself at every guy and eventually mistaking the attention her cleavage is getting for actual interest in her drunken ramblings about how work sucks. The only word any guy will hear coming out of her mouth is "sucks".

2) Toointo Batmanson: Toointo digs Batman and each year, his costume gets more and more elaborate. He spends the party comparing himself to Batman and bragging that he "can probably" do most of "that Batman crap". Later, he'll break his arm trying to jump over the hood of his car with his cape still on.

1) Gorey Haim: Gorey takes the gore factor of his costume way too seriously. He's got guys, eyeballs and blood pouring out of his costume. Too bad no one informed him that the party would be INSIDE where the carpeting is. By the time he's done using the bathroom, it looks like OJ stopped by to murder half your guests in there.

Five TV Show Characters That Would Make Terrible Roommates

Five TV Show Characters That Would Make Terrible Roommates

TV characters are hilarious to watch, but imagine if you had to live with one. Their antics wouldn’t be too funny, especially if they’re late with their half of the rent. Here now are five TV characters that would make terrible roommates.

5: The cast from the Big Bang Theory: Oh, sure, nerds sound good on paper. They have math skills and can probably fix your Windows Vista. But after a few discussions about which Enterprise captain is the best and smelling all that recycled B.O., their nerdly antics will be about as hilarious as the Star Wars re-release.



4: Kenny Powers: You’d think have a professional athlete would be cool. He probably has lots of money and can get you free tickets to the Mets. (After all, who would pay to see the Mets.) But in reality, Kenny’s arrogance and general douchebaggery would trump any possible benefits of having him share your place.



3: Brenda from Beverly Hills 90210: Oh, sure, she’s hot, but who could put up with the constant drama? Ten minutes after moving in, she’d either be cheating on her boyfriend, breaking up with her boyfriend or planning her revenge on one of her “friends”. Don’t these people ever actually go to class? And why are you roommates with a high school student you pervert!



2: Larry David: First, you probably would never be able to watch Seinfeld reruns or that’s all he’d want to watch. Either way, Larry’s wacky adventure would invariably involve you getting furious at him as he wrecked part of your life. Between that and Richard Lewis constantly stopping over, he’d be one of the worst roommates of all time.



1: Beavis and Butthead: They might be cooling to watch MTV, if MTV ever actually played music videos anymore. But most likely, this duo would trash your place, set it on fire and be too stupid to put it out. Not to mention the fact that there’d be no way this two would ever have the rent. Who would hire them for a job?

Five Animals That Make The Best Roommates

Five Animals That Make The Best Roommates

Animals don’t have money and they tend to poop wherever they want. But don’t discount an animal roommate because if you can get past the smell and the endangered species act you’re on your way.



5: Sea Otter: First off, sea otters are one of the cutest animals alive. Sure, if you were to pet one you might lose a finger, but that’s what the cage is for. Once you get the girl up to the apartment, you just pull the shade and get busy. Plus, if you ever need an oyster open, the otter can just crack it on his chest. Win-win. Totally worth paying full rent.



4: Tree Frog: The bright colors of a tree frog will go great in your apartment. Plus, under a black light, the frog looks even freakier. And that black light will come in handy if you lick this toxic amphibian. Who needs pot? One lick and your date will be loopy enough not to ask too many questions about where the frog sleeps. Sure, you’ll have to keep the apartment as hot as a tropical rainforest, but it’s totally worth it.



3: Penguin: Thanks to Jim Carrey’s new movie, penguins are in again. You’re going to have to keep your place ice cold, but then you’ll save money by not having to buy a refrigerator. You can store meat or food anywhere in the apartment! Sure, it make take six hours to cook something, but when a girl sees that little bird hobble up to you and serve you both martinis! It’ll be like you have a tiny butler!



2: Giraffe: Initially a giraffe sounds like a terrible roommate, but think about it. Your apartment would have to have awesomely high ceilings. Plus, if you had any bookshelves you couldn’t reach, you could train your new roommate to reach them. And giraffes are basically ponies with long necks, so any women are going to love them.



1: Wolf: But hands down, the best roommate is a wolf. Wolves are both cute and fierce. Burglars get eaten and women will be impressed. Of course, if the wolf accident eats your girlfriend and impresses the burglar, that could be a problem. Still, totally worth the risk and if you’re small, you could ride him to work.

Countries and the Cartoon Characters They Most Closely Resemble

Countries and the Cartoon Characters They Most Closely Resemble

Americans fail geology badly. See? Right there, I typed “geology” and it should be “geography” dumbass. Don’t worry, we have the solution. We broke down the countries of the world into cartoon characters. Now, finally, you won’t embarrass us in front of the country with a slightly better education system, Belarus.

Germany = Archie: Because he’s white and kind of too pure. Almost, disturbingly white.

England = Inspector Gadget: Bumbling, but well-meaning. He was once very popular, but is now a kind of sad joke.

Japan = Ratfink: Ancient, but incomprehensible. Everyone likes it, but is still very wary.

France = Wimpy from Popeye: Eats alot and annoys everyone around him.

China = Schoolhouse Rock: They’re super smart and, just like the lessons of Schoolhouse Rock, they will rule our lives one day.

Afghanistan = Sonic the Hedgehog: Like Sonic, it’s wrecked, old and nobody wants it around. But hey, it’s the only decent game left on your old Sega console, so you just keep playing it because you won’t bite the bullet and just throw it out.

Russia = Snoopy: You can’t understand anything they say, but they do like to dance. For part of their history, they were Red, but now they’re cute again!

Just take a look at our cartoon t-shirts and you will see what we mean.

Green Lantern T-Shirts - How to Be Green Lantern

How to be Green Lantern
Written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2011

Step 1: Be incredibly handsome or Ryan Reynolds.

Step 2: Have a dying alien with a Green Lantern ring crash nearby.

Step 3: Take the ring when it’s offered. Don’t be a dick.

Step 4: Learn how to use the ring because someone will be trying to kill you later.

Step 5: Defeat your enemies using your imagination.

Step 6: Avoid yellow.

Step 7: Keep your Green Lantern dues paid up-to-date so you’re not kicked out of the union.

Step 8: Remember, you’re allowed to march in the Saint Patty’s Day Parade too.

Step 9: Don’t wash your hands over the kitchen drain. You don’t want to drop the ring down there and have to take apart the sink before you save the world.

Step 10: If you see Superman, remind him you can create Kryptonite out of thin air.

How Not to Get Killed in a Friday the 13th Movie

How Not to Get Killed in a Friday the 13th Movie

Step 1: Don’t go camping.

Step 2: Don’t have sex with anyone, especially if you go camping.

Step 3: If your friends disappear, don’t go looking for them.

Step 4: If you see a dead body, call the cops.

Step 5: If a guy with a hockey mask and a machete approaches you, just shoot him.

Step 6: Do not check to see if he’s actually dead. Double tap.

Step 7: Wear your own hockey mask and kill a few people. Hope Jason gets confused and has sex with someone so you can kill him.

Step 8: Turn the lights on whenever you walk some place.

Step 9: Never walk backwards.

Step 10: Never say, “I’ll bet we’re safe now.”

Army of Darkness vs. American Psycho in Movies and T-Shirts

Army of Darkness vs. American Psycho in Movies and T-Shirts
Written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2011

You can’t keep a good zombie down or a good deadite. Nor can you stop the 80’s and the horrible psychos that it produced. (See George W. Bush) But who would win in a fight? Ash or Patrick Bateman? Well, obviously Ash, although Patrick does have a better 401K plan. But in the world of t-shirts, it’s more about who has the better chainsaw. We give you now the battle royale, Army of Darkness vs. American Psycho.

Quotes: Seriously? Is this even a contest? Ash is the quote man. Patrick Bateman just doesn’t have the boom stick.



Winner: Army of Darkness

Timeliness: While Ash is cool, his clothing was always sort of dated. Corporate a-holes are timeless. Just ask Goldman Sachs.



Winner: American Psycho

Design: Army of Darkness is not so much about design. American Psycho is infused with it. No contest. Did you not see the business card scene?



Winner: American Psycho

Characters: Patrick Bateman is interesting, but ultimately, empty like the rest of the 80’s. Ash is bigger than life, much like Bruce Campbell himself.



Winner: Bruce--- Army of Darkness!

The winner, Army of Darkness! You want your psycho with a chainsaw aimed at zombies and the living dead, not hot chicks from the 80’s.